hey guys!

so I lost my email and password for almost a couple months but I finally figured t out!! :D <3

I’m in such an awful mood :(

Going outside to star gaze, listen to music and chain smoke. How I self-medicate haha.

hey guys!

I haven’t been on a computer in over a week so I’m sorry about the lack of updates! I’m gonna update like crazy tonight<3 and I’ll make a video filling you guys in ;)

I’m making some changes.

I want so much and I’m constantly screwing myself over. I don’t push myself enough. If I want it I need to no longer make excuses and do it. From here on out, I’m going to work to accomplish all that I want to accomplish and to become the person I know I’m capable of being. I need to focus on me and my dreams and my future. No one can make it happen but me. I’m not going to let this bipolar defeat me. I’m going to learn to work through it and accomplish what I want to accomplish regardless of how impossible it seems. I’ve been through abuse from my father, bullying, depression, my big brother’s death and so much more…. I didn’t let any of it take me down so there’s no way in hell I’m going to let bipolar do it. I am strong enough. I can do this.

I want to write a short book on the secrets of being truly happy.

It’s so unfair how sad so many people are. And worst of all how many people seem to give up hope. Maybe I’ll write something short and post it on here, I don’t know. But I just want everyone to know how beautiful they are and how you are never ever alone and mostly that there is ALWAYS hope.

have a wonderful rest of the night everyone xoxx <3 

saying you’re obsessed with Harry Potter when you’ve only seen the movies is like saying you’re obsessed with the history of the Titanic but you’ve only watched the the movie Titanic. ya don’t know shit.

so someone broke off my windshield wipers and popped my two right tires

and there’s so much other shit that’s happened/happening. I’m in the worst mood. and my absolute best friend won’t even speak to me. i dont even know.

Keep going. Even if you’re barely eating, barely sleeping, barely functioning, you’re still doing it. You just have to keep going. You are strong enough and not only are you good enough, but you’re incredible. Your true self is so beautiful, always. It will one day shine again even if you can’t possibly imagine a day it will, it will. Even when life seems impossible, your heart still beats and your lungs still breathe. There’s still hope, there always is.

(Source: jackandthewerewolf)

I get really annoyed when I try to creep on someone on Facebook and all their photos are private.

On a better note,

The Four Year Strong/Set Your Goals show Friday night was the best show I’ve ever been to. Seriously sooo amazing<3 The song “One Step at a Time” by FYS they wrote about a loved one passing away and it’s reallly helped me through my brother’s death and times when I miss him and it’s really hard. Well, not only did they play it, they played it acoustic with a cello and violin<33333 by far the most amazing thing I’ve experienced at a show.

YAYAYAYAYYYYY going to Four Year Strong and Set Your Goals tonight with Sam!!! holy shit I’m so happy. No one understands how much I’m in love with FYS and how much I’ve been dying to see them since I last saw them in 2008. SO HAPPY afokhdasnflkasbclk

went to take a break from my sketch for a few minutes and I’ve been on here for way longer haha. damn.

I wrote this the day after my big brother died. Around 10PM on September 12th, 2009 he was riding his bicycle with his friend and a car hit them. It was a hit and run and they never caught who did it. This is about as raw as I get. I wrote it as soon as I could process thoughts enough to write.

September 13th, 2009 5:00PM
Blake died last night. It’s so surreal. People keep saying they’re sorry and I’m almost like “why?” because it just can’t be real. He can’t be gone. He just can’t be. I love him so much. He’s such a beautiful person. He’s come so far and was the most amazing brother I could have asked for. I keep begging for this to be a terrible dream. Please let me wake up soon. Please have Claudia call back and say it was just a joke. He can’t be gone yet. He needs to see me go to art school, get married, graduate, live my dream. He needs to share a drink with meon my 21st. I need him to be there. I need my big brother. He was so supportive and encouraging. He loved me so much and I always knew he was there for me no matter what. He made melaugh more than anyone. Who am I going to talk about movies with? Who’s going to tell me about awesome new video games? I’m not ready for this. I need my big brother. Please just bring my big brother back. I’m sorry for fucking up. I’m sorry. Just please bring him back. I won’t fuck up anymore I promise. He was happy finally. I admire him so much. he came so far. He’s proof that you can overcome anything, that there’s always hope, that eventually things will get better. He’s the most selfless person I know. And his heart. His heart was so big. he showed me to never second guess myself, that if someone didn’t like me for me then fuck ‘em. Because who I am is beautiful and if they can’t see it then it’s their loss. I love him so much. Blake understood me. And that alone meant so much to me. He believed in me even when I thought I didn’t stand a chance.

If I have some really amazing friends, and I know there are a lot of people who truly care about me, then why am I so fucking lonely?

so my bitch of a manager at one of my jobs (the general store in town) is def gonna fire me soon for NO reason. she’s cut me down to one shift a week and keeps having talks with me being like you’re doing this and that wrong blahblah which is bullshit bc it’s all stupid things that I’m not even doing, she’s just manipulating my actions to make it seem like they’re wrong. basically she’s just building her case to fire me. whatever bitch bc all the regulars fucking loooove me and a bunch have already been asking like “where’s Blair? why is she only here once a week now?”. it all started when she hired this lady. every employee hatesss my manager bc she’s legit such a mean bitch. whatever, Pacsun is working out AMAZING and I’ll always have my office assistant job.